A quick check with this handy date range tool calculated that it has been 1367 days since I last posted anything on this blog. Not that there hasn't been anything of note in my quiet little corner of the world but just in general couldn't be bothered, facebook, twitter, google+, linkdn, reddit... managing a social presence on the internet is a full time occupation in and of itself.
Though honestly I hardly use any of the social media sites, have under 100 friends, maybe post a photo once in a while, or a humourous link, but I have much more engagement with blogging, I can't really imagine having anything meaningful to say in just 140 characters. To tell a story or express an idea requires, no, demands more room to be realized (at least in my old fashioned opinion).
So... then the question would be for what reason would I decide to start writing again after 1367 days without an update from this little quiet corner. I think it is because I am finally angry and frustrated enough to force a one sided conversation that is a blog post. To explain a bit better (or worse depending on your point of view), to create something, anything requires some motivation to express, be it anger, joy, sadness, a set of technical specifications to be met, you know, the heart and soul of creation.
Honestly for the past few years have been pretty ambivalent, or to borrow a term from South Park, developed into a 'Cynical Asshole'. A very polite and reserved Cynical Asshole but a Cynical Asshole none the less.
I found that being a Cynical Asshole really isn't that difficult until you want more, be it more friends, money, respect, or maybe just a new outlook. Cynicism is quite insidious to any train of thought, basically boiling down any consideration of change into a 'Why bother, it is just the same shit, maybe a different pile' internal dialog.
Fortunately anger and frustration can trump cynicism (probably other things too, but you work with what you got), and so this leads to my purpose in finally posting another entry on this blog almost 4 years after the last entry. The downside, at least for myself, is that anger burns out fairly quickly, it takes a lot of energy to be furious... and to keep fury raging for any length of time requires some Inigo Montoya level back-story.
Well what is a Cynical Asshole to do?
An oddly appropriate response would involve lemons, there are more inspirational takes such as "Be the change that you want to be" (or is it see?), in any event, as I see it could either take another page from South Park and become an alcoholic (seems fun but rather expensive in the long run), or start shoveling. The reality is a lot more work, forcing oneself to dive back in, regimenting things within my own control would be one step. Sigh, just thinking about the effort it is going to take sets the tape reel of cynicism playing.
Was trying to figure out a way to wrap up this post in some more meaningful way but there is no real end or easy quip to sum everything up that feels appropriate. Its just going to take some effort...
