Wednesday, October 10, 2007


Of the sweet call of insanity, and the safety of ordinary


There are a few things I should mention off the bat, firstly I'm not exactly sure how the term 'off the bat' came to be or how it really makes any real sense but I'm using it so there... secondly, I don't think I can really claim any true moments of insanity, so any argument regarding that point is highly hypothetical, I'll have to confer with a true bat-shit looney - fortunately it's Calgary, I can find one sleeping in the park a few blocks away - or one of the mayoral candidates. Err probably not, even I can handle only so much insanity, anyway getting to the realm of some sort of theme/plot/point/toaster.

I've honestly thought that it would be quite comfortable to be stark raving mad, especially in this pc society we live in. Though what is insanity? The dictionary definition is well, not exactly sure, but one randomly googled quote says 'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same result'.

So in that regard, who is really insane?
/// yes that is it, an open fucking question, unfortunately have not the wherewithal to completely finish an essay type blog on insanity so please feel free to rough out that last question for yourself... I already know my answer, which lead to a closing quote also from a random google:

"It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have ones doubts"

Let's just say I'm feeling very comfortable.


Saturday, September 01, 2007


"Of Giving, dogs and acceptance"


Well, unfortunately missed the month of August to complete a post so kinda bummed out about that, ah well will try for a return to weekly blog entries this month.
It's been an interesting month for myself and everyone around me, not sure if it's a planetary alignment thing or it's just because it's the last month of summer... well more like something akin to summer but not quite if you live in Canada (except for Victoria).

Recent events have led me to question the concept of giving and selfishness, hmm, not exactly true... always considered those things just this past month kind forced me to form a hard opinion on the matter.
I've always been a giving kind of fellow, maybe not overly friendly but would try to do nice things for those around me. Over the years I've discovered a few things; people (especially in western culture) aren't used to giving very much of oneself - money and material goods yes... of themselves - not so much. Another is that I've steadily grown a deep and distinct hatred toward people, maybe hatred is too strong a word... distrust would be far more accurate. Giving of oneself with out expectation of return is one of the hardest things to do, because as soon as you being to expect things of others its amazing how fast one can get disappointed and end up feeling used and betrayed.
Of course I'm being extremely vague and generalizing quite a bit, but I'm sure everyone at some point or another has gone through similar experience to varying degrees. I think it comes down to having faith in other people... or trust, which is amazingly nearly synonymous with faith (at least for the purpose of this topic... err, what topic?).
Hmm, running short on time and I'd hate to relegate this post to the black hole that is the blogspot Drafts section (many a promising post be lost there). So this incomplete piece will be posted (obviously since it's being read it's been posted... or has it?) and hopefully will get around to updating it when the chance arises.
Err, though just for reference, the dog refers to the family mutt that I have to take care of for a while (serious inconvenience) and the acceptance refers to taking ownership of who one is and how you're treated by others - ie accepting that people are by far and large selfish, but that shouldn't make one change who they are to stop feeling hurt, be aware of who others are and accept them for it, while learning to .... I have no idea where this is going now, meh, it'll all make sense in the edited version... it will... really.

Thursday, July 19, 2007


Seeking enlightenment and other tales of misunderstanding

Well, it's been a few weeks overdue but finally decided to bite the bullet and try writing about my recent experience meditating for 10 days just south of Merrit BC (the province, not time wise).
Probably my biggest hesitation in trying to explain or share my experience (aside from the extremely personal subject matter) is the chance of misunderstanding, since it is hard to describe fully without coloring with ones own interpretations that might not translate well if there isn't a common ground of understanding... my god that sounded pretentious. Alright screw it, I'll just try my best to explain and if some people believe I've joined a flying spaghetti monster cult then so be it.

I guess it all started with my own self created doubts and problems, I tend to fall into patterns of self destruction every so often - nothing flashy just a spiraling decay of apathy and self hatred. What I would eventually realize is how universal the experience of it was, but that's for later, my usual methods of coping would be escapism. Pretty much a fancy way of saying running from problems by ignoring them or closing myself off so completely as to shut down, oddly enough I could still function if absolutely required but was unable to connect with people beyond a formal politeness. Though for a while lived pretty much like a hikkomori or shut in, still recovering from the effects of that socially and economically. So long story short, I was a bit messed and needed help in some form, and there is quite a lot of help out there, the best kind being trust worthy friends and family, or else religion, head shrinker's (can't spell psychiatrists), relying on addictions (see this), support groups, crisis help lines... you get the idea. None of the above really seemed like an option for me, mainly because I was incapable of placing enough trust in anyone/anything to share my problems to an extent to be helped.
So decided to try a 10 day meditation course, the appeal being that one has to work out their own problems - no need to rely on anyone. The cost of the course was donation based, so the hardest part was getting leave from work, had to take a course at a later date than I wanted but eventually got the required leave.

Arrival: Day 0
Drove from Calgary to Merrit on June 20th in just under 8 hours, the drive itself was restful passing by mountains and rivers. Nothing too eventful yet just beautiful scenery, arrived at the Meditation Centre just after 2pm, registered and got a room assignment as well as a roomate. The
building itself was a relatively new, there were four sides with a courtyard in the middle, two opposite sides held the men's and women's residences, while the two remaining ones contained the group meditation hall and dining area. Registration was relatively straight forward, filling out name brief history, meditation experience etc, then it was free time until about 6 when a light dinner was served and the rules of the centre were explained.
Firstly men and women were to be complete segregated, to reduce distractions the dining hall had a curtain divider and each side had their own walking paths, only the meditation seated both men and women though each had a respective side. Then the five precepts we would have to follow were outlined: To abstain from killing any being, to abstain from stealing, to abstain from sexual misconduct, to abstain from wrong speech, to abstain from all intoxicants (pretty easy really). Also starting at 8pm and for the duration of the course everyone had to take a vow of 'noble silence' meaning no communicating to other meditaters verbally or non-verbally, as well no writing, exercising, practicing of rites, reading, phones etc. Our entire focus should be on the meditation techniques taught, they emphasized that it was to give the technique a fair trial and so for the next 10 days live a monk's life (I thought, for someone who lived as a shut in this would be a peace of cake). We could discuss problems with meditation with the teacher or physical needs with the course manager if necessary, but otherwise it should be a rather quiet experience. As well all meals would be vegetarian, no meats or eggs, though milk and cheese was okay.
I chatted with a few people then started the Noble silence at 8pm, took a walk around the wooded paths (quite nice actually) then returned to the building to see a notice in the foyer outlining the schedule for the rest of the course:

  • 4:30 am: Morning gong
  • 4:30- 6:30 am Meditation in hall or your own room
  • 6:30 am Breakfast served
  • 7:15 - 8:00 am Free time
  • 8:00 - 9:00 am Group meditation in Hall
  • 9:00 - 11:00 am Meditation in hall or your own room as instructor dictates
  • 11:00 am Lunch
  • 12:00 - 12:30 pm Interviews with instructor by request in hall
  • 12:30 - 1:00 pm Free time
  • 1:00 pm - 2:30 pm Meditation in Hall or your own room
  • 2:30 pm - 3:30 pm Group meditation in Hall
  • 3:30 - 5:00 pm Meditation in Hall or your own room as instructor dictates
  • 5:00 pm tea break
  • 6:00 pm - 7:00 pm Group meditation in Hall
  • 7:00 - 8:15 pm Discourse in Hall
  • 8:15 - 9:00 pm Meditation in Hall
  • 9:00 - 9:30 pm Open question period in Hall or free time
  • 10:00 pm Lights out
Well as one can see, there was a heck of a lot of meditating to do the next day, went to bed wondering what to expect from this course as well thinking if I was capable of working through what problems I had come here for... then I thought of pizza and soundly went to sleep.

That took quite a while to write and that's just day 0, so I'll stop for now and update with the remaining 10 days later, I guess I should mention the course itself. The course is run by the Vipassana meditation centre of BC, or Dhamma
Surabi (no not Dharma -that's strictly LOST) honestly the site won't be able to provide too many answers regarding the course since it is something one has to experience to understand - and since everyone's experience is different... well you know. Though for what it's worth, I think everyone should consider taking the 10 day course, one just has to be a the right point in their lives to get the full benefit from it. Well, anyway must take nappings of power so take care and more meditatey goodness will follow - stay tuned.

Monday, July 16, 2007


Ahem, back to Facecrack.. err look at the pretty flower


As the title would suggest, in stark contrast one of the topics of last post I've rejoined facebook... only 2 weeks after I quit. Though in my defense it was for economic reasons rather than a crippling addiction (hmm, that doesn't sound unreasonable at all). Meh, anyway keeping my account on facebook active while just trying not to use it as much. Let's see, well the span between blog posts has once again delved into the months, and unfortunately for me it has been a rather eventful month at that so the prospect of sitting down and blogging all that has happened in detail is rather daunting. Well, will try to update later on in the day, it's too hot to do much else - aside from work I guess. Ah, for those who are curious the flower in the picture is a winter lily found in high altitudes in the Rockies... not sure about the yellow ones though (they didn't have their own display on the boardwalk).
A short post for now, hope all are well, and enjoying the season while they can.

Sunday, June 03, 2007


Of Nazi raccons, Otaku II, 300 and why I'm quitting facebook

Obviously the first bit in the title is an attention grabber, though it was apparently based in facts (somewhat). No, there weren't any raccoons running around with armbands and demanding 'Lebensraum'. Though that would be kinda cute in a weird and horrid sort of way... err, actually it was a little known Nazi officer in the ministry of forestry named Herman Goring who authorized the introduction of several exotic bushy tailed animals into German forests - 'to give bored hunters something to shoot at'. Well unfortunately this well planned idea took a turn for the worse when hunters were unexpectedly called away for 'other' duties and the newly introduced raccoons found a liking to the forest and bred like... sigh... rabbits. Apparently they are considered quite a pest in Germany these days... doubt there was any point to this little story but felt obligated to explain the Nazi raccoon thing.

Well I suppose I should continue with my recount of attending Otafest... meh not much else to say really, chatted with a few people, watched some anime, people in costumes... oh, nearly forgot the highlight of the whole convention - the 404's. Basically they are a comedy improv group along the same lines as the 'Whose line is it anyway?' group, except with a bit of a skew towards geek culture... and the infamous mousetrap game - I shall leave that to the imagination. Overall for 12 bucks for 2 days, quite a bit o fun, still felt awkward but as I stated previously, learning not to care.

After the convention managed to finally see 300, awesome in many ways... questionable in a few as well, but easily forgiven since it was entertaining. I think movies like this strike a deep cord with most men, the appeal to our primitive side yearning for battle and carnage, as well as the nobler ideals of honor, valor and brotherhood.... meh, or we just like seeing blood, guts and things going boom. There were a few things I that didn't flow well - mostly plot wise, such as the seemingly tacked on speeches of democracy and freedom, bringing in a shining new age of something or other - I almost laughed at that. Considering how the movie tries to show the rigidity and harshness of Spartan society the 'Americanized' dialogue is almost hilarious. As well anyone of middle eastern decent would find the portrayal of the invaders... all too familiar. But still for all, this is a movie - and it did what it was supposed to, a rousing and bloody well entertaining 2 hours.

On to a different type of entertainment - Facebook. I've been considering it for quite a while but finally decided I'm going to quit the social network phenom that is Facebook. There are many reasons, wasting time, the Facebook platform, ect, they are all pretty familiar. Though mainly it's a personal one, I just find that using Facebook is an easy way to distance yourself from people while still technically communicating, of course that isn't true for a lot of people but at this time I'd rather have a few more real world friends.
Though I must say it was nice reconnecting with people from the past... yet, I don't think I want to use Facebook as my only recourse to see how they're doing. Email, phone and most importantly face to face conversations are more... substantial, as well it kind of annoys me how there is this 'collection' type attitude of the social networks which at first seemed pretty reasonable on Facebook, though it's getting worse. Meh, anyway I'm leaving the world of Facebook behind, I already have email and msn so if people really want to reconnect... sigh, that comes off a bit too whiny. So I'll just end by saying, 'Safe journey and my sincere good will to all I've met in life, the friends, the enemies and the ignored, wherever you are going may the trip be exciting, joyful and most of all connect you to a few more people'.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007


'Of social networks, otaku, and why I just don't care'

Unless you have neither access to Internet, talk to people or do not watch TV - in some form or another you have heard of online social networking. It is a big craze particularly among all levels of current students, and while in principle it's a great way to connect to people, though I find that as with most things popular there are quite a few problems. Take one of the most talked about social networks recently 'Facebook', (which admittedly I am a member... actually this blog gets automatically posted to my profile... hmm, ah well) anyway, it can get very addictive yet while it isn't quite as bad as some other networks I've tried there are the same problems which people should be aware of yet unfortunately don't have the time or energy to look into.

Well one thing I've noticed about most online networks is that there seems to be a kind of 'collector' attitude. For most networks you invite people to be your friend and then you create a list of friends who you... well, basically keep as a scorecard. People will invite people to be friends and then never contact them again, unless you are actually have some real world interaction at least once in a while. To be honest that's only natural, for all attempts at realism and connecting to people, the Internet is a virtual world, IE not real, as in - not a substitute for real world interactions. I'm tempted to use the old quote regarding quantity and quality but I'm sure most people with some cerebral function left can see where I'm going.
As well there is a certain loss of privacy, and especially in Facebook where the defaults for privacy are dangerously low, it can lead to someone or some company having full access to your profile as well as all content you've shared - including your list of friends. In fact Facebook announced their new 'platform', where companies can use third party applications on Facebook granting them full access to a users information unless the change their privacy settings.
That doesn't mean online social networks are evil, just that one has to be fully aware of what they are signing up for and as painful as it may sound - read the fine print.

Well now that part is out of the way, I wish to speak now a self professed Otaku (geek), I say self professed because until last weekend, I had no idea how shallow my geekiness was - not that's a bad thing. For the first time I attended an anime convention... it was an interesting experience, if you don't know what anime is - well, mostly this, but fortunately sometimes this or this. Anyway getting back to the convention, called Otafest, was pretty interesting, a brief recap:
Day 1, arranged to meet friend at the convention so headed out on the Ctrain to the U of C campus. I could tell I was going in the right directino because of the various people dressed up as anime characters in scattered amoung the other passengers. Got to convention at 9 am, and proceeded to spend the next hour in line to get it - seriously never knew there were that many anime fans, unfortunately there were mostly considerably younger and a few had questionable hygiene. Though the fun part of waiting in line was watching the reaction of older people dropping off kids to the event, their faces basically read with a mixture of shock, confusion and horror, though in all fairness if your not prepared to see people dressed as assorted Ninjas, robots, androids, maids, Gothic Lolita's and even a few furries (you don't want to know) it can be mentally damaging.
Finally register, $12 for 2 days hmm, not too bad, pick up a guide book since it's probably the most useful souvenir for the convention. Taking a look at the schedule there are about 10 rooms devoted to viewing different anime, throughout the day they have different events to cater the Otaku such as; Iaido demonstration (sword fighting forms), sushi lessons, cosplay show, beat the geeks contest, a video game room, anime music video contest (music put to clips from anime, a la ici), Japanese fashion show, a dealer room (anime related not drugs), and an auction room to name a few. Though probably the highlight of the convention is the 404's, an improve group similar to 'Whose line is it anyway' with a bit of a geeky twist.
Not seeing anything too interesting, head to the dealer room - another huge line, fortunately it moves a bit faster only 30 minutes this time. Inside is where the magic happens, then is bottled and sold for $4.99 an ounce, a lot of different vendors from around the city are there to share their wares of DVD's, manga, plushies, wall scrolls, bokken, swords (very fake), plushies, Japanese music, and other assorted merchandise related to asian culture... I use culture in a very liberal sense. Still it was kinda neat to browse around the different stalls and see what was being sold, and to my own amazement found a series of DVD's that was planning to buy for 1/3 the normal price, can't go wrong there I suppose. There were a few interesting things such as an old NES system, some really beautiful art scrolls, racks of various clothing.
Meet up with a few friends and decide to grab a much needed drink and some food, fortunately there is a bar right in the building - score. Compared to the chaos outside the bar is very quiet, probably since most of the attendees already spent their money in the dealer room or are underage. The bar food is surprisingly good, and gives us the energy to walk around a bit. Check out a few anime shows, then decide to check out the cosplay show, to which another formidable line awaits. The cosplay consists of people in different costumes who then perform a skit of some kind or just pose if they're unimaginative, some of the costumes are impressive, some of the skits are funny... though often not both and for the most part neither. Leaving the show early check out a few more horrid anime for laughs then a live action ninja movie - again for laughs. Not much else going on so head for the C-Train and head home.
Unfortunately a bit of a story on the way back, our travelling group consists of myself a couple of friends and another friend of a friend who is a hardcore Otaku... hardcore. We chat a bit and at the next stop a group of rather attractive (and slightly inebriated) members of the opposite sex sit in the opposite booth, and for some odd reason actually ask us what we're up to... I seriously doubt anything would have happened but after a day of being a geek it seemed like a nice change of pace to talk to a few ladies. At that exact moment our Otaku friend decided to go into a rather impassioned recount of his anime purchases including some 'figurines', well that ended any possibility of conversation right there. Meh, that's life I guess, so that ended day 1 will probably post day 2 later as this post has already taken on a rather epic length and I have a few more things to write.
So first impressions of Otafest? Well honestly had to say I felt a bit like a dirty old man, it was fun but it is definitely these things are something you go with a group to, fortunately have a good group of people who are for the most part mature. It was very commercialized in the amount of rather useless shiny things that were sold - and bought. Though the things I appreciate about anime were also at the conference, people enjoying themselves without worrying about what other people think, taking time to show their passion and skill with costumes and performances.
That is probably what I'm going to take from my experience at the convention, if you have the courage dress up as Sailor moon while doing a pretty good impression of Vicky Pollard, while it's kinda weird - it's pretty damn impressive as well. The moral, I guess is don't care so much about what others thing, we're all a bit silly anyhow.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


A bit confused?


Hmm, where to begin, well the first post of May in addition to about a month from the previous one... meh, whatever. In any event, or happenings or even 'damn that shit's messed up', been doing a bit of thinking (just a bit) and aside from realizing I spend far too much time in various ponderings - seriously it doesn't pay very well at all, it just occurred to me how similar everyone is... and by that I mean everyone. Now previously I would probably have gone into long drawn out word thingy about life, meaning blah blah blah... now however, I think it's time to stop being an ineffectual philosopher and start really working toward something.
It just seems that so much time (and money) is spent by people trying to improve themselves, I guess the danger is when one confuses improvement with self hatred -hmm, kind of like emotional plastic surgery, eh?.... yeah that doesn't sound right. Or probably more accurately substituting an natural emotional need with something provided by marketing, to that effect I think TV should be abolished... except for 10pm Monday (you know). It is so easy to get sucked into the idea of what is considered a normal/acceptable life, and to judge oneself and others by it. So what is normal? heck is there even such a thing... what would be considered a normal person? Personally I think normal would be a bit boring... make that very boring, like English food, but I guess we have to create some imaginary median of society by which we can measure ourselves. For example there are those that may strive to become the antithesis of normalcy (goths and door to door salesmen come to mind), while others will try to do everything to blend in. Actually this reminds me of a quote I once heard about racism (yeah, a bit out of the blue but it's good stuff), well as accurately as I can remember the quote was something like this:

" Racists are not people who cannot accept differences in others, but rather
they are people who hide their own differences and cannot accept others
who don't or are unable to do the same"

Quite true I think, well as much as I hate to end a post that was supposed to about confusion with a curve ball into racism, it's late and I'm weary. So to all you beautiful and unique snowflakes out there, go watch fight club. (if the last bit makes no sense, it means...

Sunday, April 22, 2007


Been feeling a bit under the weather lately, but I suppose one advantage is finally able to catch up on world news and write a few opinions about it.

Though as often as not, I find I would have been much happier being ignorant of events unfolding. A case in point is the recent shooting at Virginia tech. Truly a horrible incident, not only for the deaths, pain to friends and family but the aftermath to these events.
Already one can see 'experts' showering opinions and research to us from their ivory towers of learning. The news stations naturally can't stop covering this event enough, analyzing every aspect of the shooter and victims - as well as trying to pinpoint the cause of this senseless tragedy. Hopefully they won't make a scapegoat of some musician/video game/ideology but eventually that's what it might come down to, for that is easiest for most people to understand.
Obsession with violent video games, music, erratic behavior, thoughts of suicide, sure they're all symptoms of someone in trouble and probably in danger of becoming violent- but they are not the cause, quite simply it comes from the a sense of lonely hopelessness that only people have experienced can relate to. Not something I really want to expand on for now, so instead what are they (meaning schools, law enforcement, ect) planning to do about the problem of school violence (outside of ghettos that is). From the network media seems the gist of it is that they are looking to identify patterns of behavior then educate teachers and consulars on how to determine 'potential' shooters - while I think it is probably necessary I wish there was more questioning into how to change the environment that creates shooters instead of waiting to find them.
That is probably my biggest concern - the way our society reacts to threats, we seem to be more secure with the idea of being able to target rogue elements as they develop instead of trying to improve conditions so they can't exist- as the old saying goes, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Unfortunately the way our leaders think is mostly short term solutions designed to pacify (I regret to say) a rather ignorant electorate, instead of creating programs that advocate lasting change to our society.
Well, I'll save my rant on the ignorant masses for another post ;) in dire need of some rest if work is possible tomorrow, ah well it's not like it is anything important... sigh. Meh, guess it's time to start looking for something more.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Well continuing from the previous post concerning the IMF and World Bank, these organizations while undoubtedly spawned from the depths of hades are not the real problem. If one takes a look at the our society and stops for a moment to consider what is the driving force behind it - the answer is greed. Of course the answer is debatable, but for the intents and purposes of this post we'll set that aside for now, (stop questioning me, I'm always right - there are WMD's in Iraq...err) getting back to the supposed point...
If one observes daily life, it actually seems... well, normal. People go to work, come home maybe spend time with family, go out on the town, but for the most part it is for the benefit of themselves alone. It used to be a corny and overplayed mantra of children's programming to share and ... uhm, I forget the rest, but it was something of a type of moral value - probably.

Sigh, for some reason this post is degenerating into a strange mixture of bad humor and opinionated statements, not knowing a way to stop this phenomenon I'll just get straight to what my original point should have been regarding how to resolve the problems created by the IMF and World Bank.

Basically a change in the system of politics and the way countries (especially developing countries) deal with the international market pressure. I'll be blunt, democracy is great if the country is stable enough to support it, and in many cases it is horrendously wrong and just breeds a system of corruption under an 'in name only' democratic system. Developing countries are especially at risk because of the pressure from developed nations seeking resources/labour/markets.
The 'third world' has to stop giving in to demands of the western world and their market systems and basically become isolationist until they can be self reliant. I find it really funny that western culture holds independence as one of it's highest ideals yet it tries to create as much dependency as possible for struggling countries.
To address this issue are two possibilities, change from the top of government or a grass roots movement among the people. The former is by far the quickest, though in order for it to be effective a strong and necessarily dictatorial regime is required (IE China) - of course the danger is that the person in power will turn into... rhymes with stickler.
The other way is for a movement to start among the people to promote ideals not out of popularity but an informed and altruistic design of what needs to be done secure a future for our people and (dare I say) our planet. The problem is this method is by far much much harder, and it will probably take generations, because it has to be a true change in the way people are involved in their communities and the politics of their nations. Ask yourself how much do you know about the world around you, how much do you know about your neighbors? Is your community involved in things more than children's sports and the odd BBQ - does your community bring issues forward to the next level of government?
There are communities that do, but it seems that more and more it is a rarity rather than the norm. It just seems that people don't consider politics as important to daily life, and probably at this moment they might be right - though it might not stay that way.

Bah, now this post is way too serious, ah well it's late and I don't feel like editing or even spell checking of that matter - so let's just end with this:
Everyone is looking for the same thing, they just don't realize it
unfortunately, until they do most will feel alone or dissatisfied with
life in general. While true happiness does come from within, it's nice
to realize that we are not alone. Everyone has a place they want to be,
always keep that in mind - as the destinations might not be that far apart.


Yes, it has almost nothing to do with my ramblings of this post but... meh, seemed like it needed to be.. err typed.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Well folks, it finally happened... I've managed to get serious enough to actually post a rather important (though still opinionated) entry after quite a lot of introspective and altogether too plainly quaint posts.

Imagine that you own a house, nothing too fancy but great property value, location, a pool... you get the idea. Unfortunately due to job loss, or some other tragedy you find yourself heavily in debt and the house falling into disrepair, the roof is leaking, plumbing needs an overhaul, the hot water heater only works half the time and you can now jump down from the second floor into the kitchen via a nice human sized hole.
Things are looking pretty desperate, when a very friendly and well dressed bank representative come up to you and says, "Well friend, it looks like you're in a bit of a pickle... tell you what, I'm willing to loan a rather hefty sum of money since our bank is there to help those in need, there are a few conditions but we'll worry about that later."
Of course being in a bad situation you willingly accept - who wouldn't, it seems like a helping hand out of trouble.
The money is quickly handed over to you, and on top is a list of conditions on how you can spend it.

And at the very beginning of the list it stipulates you cannot spend any money on the repair or maintenance of your house - though you can sell parts off to other people, who may or may not repair it themselves. As well you cannot spend the money on education or training to get a better job, you must also spend money only at certain approved stores even if they are more expensive.
The list goes on, and it quickly dawns on you that following this list of conditions will not only prevent you from recovering from debt, but forces you into a worse situation by spending resources on more material goods instead of building value into the one asset you have... your house, which will end up as someone else's property by the end of it.

Now this sounds pretty horrible right? If any bank were to do that to an individual it would be downright criminal. So then how can organizations like the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund get away with doing the exact same thing to developing countries?

If you've ever wondered why there were so many protesters around the G8 and other such organizations ... well it's mostly because of the weed the kids be a smoken' but a few of them understand that these organizations do not have a mandate of helping other countries. Even under the guise of 'aid' developing countries are blackmailed into selling off the rights and control of their own resources for money that will in the end do little or no good.

An example is during one of the previous G8, a resolution to absolve the debt of struggling countries was put into place. Of course it sounds amazing... I'm sure Bono must have been pretty proud of himself as well, unfortunately the attached strings to these debt cancellations are not meant to help anyone but big business (I hate generalizing like this but hopefully can edit this later). Some of the conditions include forcing countries to increase the expenditure on importing goods from G8 countries, privatization of their natural resources and companies such as water and power, shutting down various 'dead weight' government run agencies (hospitals, schools etc.) in the name of cost cutting and effectiveness - just to name a few.

The really sickening thing is that these organizations actually portray themselves as humanitarian while underhandedly stealing the future out of the hand of the people they are supposedly helping. So what should be done? Stay tuned for the next post, have a couple of ideas and one that isn't going to be too popular.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

Well, as usual it is not for lack of things to write but rather an over abundance of thoughts both random and (if I do say so myself) inspired, that has led to the current situation of almost a month of no posts.
Actually not sure what this post should be about, so I'll just rattle off some of the ideas that met with an untimely end.

The Duality of man, was planning an ode to full metal jacket with my own view on peoples ability to be composed of good and evil, really though I just wanted an excuse to use one of my favourite movie quotes:
"I do know that for the sympathy of one living being, I would make peace with all. I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other"
Seriously I get chills from this line, wish the movie was better, ah well.

Ponderings of international conflicts and capitalism - who am I kidding this post was dead before a word was written since the amount of effort it would take to actually check ones facts is a bit beyond me at the moment.

Lament of the nice/awesome/great ie more of a pet than friend guy, a whiny topic that I think is better left forgotten.

Introduction of geek culture to mainstream - a look at geekiness, and how many people who are geeks will never- ever admit to it. As well as a bit of questioning as why certain things are socially acceptable for fanaticism while others are considered faux pas. ie people can loudly proclaim (while only partial dressed even) their devotion to a sports team/individual, while a milder devotion to say one of a trilogy of movies is looked upon as a tad odd.

I could go on, but for the most part the other topics are branches of the previous in some form or another. For next post will think about expanding on one of the topics above but most likely will find something else to write about then. To all a good night.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Shamless filler post.

Well, unfortunately broke a streak of weekly posting... though I had good reason, sort of... well just didn't feel like it. Anyway it wasn't for lack of anything to write about as the amount of truly insane observations makes it hard to pick any one topic (or 5 or 10), a bit short on time so just going to leave a link to a pretty decently funny and honest monologue from Craig Ferguson's late night talk show (you may remeber him as the british guy from the Drew Carrey show). Perhaps later today will manage a proper post... but until then.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Valentines!

Well, it's that time of year again, actually debated whether or not to write a post about Valentines day... it would be too easy to get into a soddenly over verbose philosophical rant on a day that seems to have more commercial meaning that anything else, oops almost started there. Anyway love it or hate it, February 14th has become recognizable from every facet of life, mostly from media advertising.
So in light of the inescapable nature of this day among days for love the post is well underway, with a commitment to convey some thoughts and observations all the while keeping some humor about the whole subject... hopefully. Of course a good way to start is with a few experiences I had working as a clerk at 7-11 a couple of years ago: I've worked the evening shift on Valentines and was always amazed by the number of people coming in at the last minute to try and find cards/candies/roses etc. though probably the funniest was a guy came in and bought a pack of pens just to sign a valentines card before he got home - I am not making this up.
The geniuses at 7-11 never really thought it through about valentines so we never had any appropriate 'valentine' gifts for sale, so it's pretty amazing how the desperate manage to cobble together some last minute gift consisting of candy bars and personal hygiene products... I mean if you're going to do something like that might as well take the hit for valentines and make it up some other time, I doubt anybody would be satisfied with a 7-11 valentines gift (though we did have some nifty butane lights for the pyros in your life, they even came in red).
The well prepared gift givers probably pre-ordered their thorn less roses and assorted Belgian chocolates, or if they had some extra money a few diamond sprinkled jewellry. As nice as those things are I have to agree with a poster on bash.org who expounded the virtues of a new symbol of love more powerful and meaningful than the common rose- the potato! (now the pic makes sense doesn't it). Of course it would be better if it were a red potato (or potatoe) to keep with the whole 'heart theme', actually when you think about it a potato looks very similar to an actual organic heart compared to the card versions, so it really should be the new symbol of valentines... meh, I think it would take a pretty enlightened lady to happily accept a raw potato - hmm, maybe bake it first... add a little butter, some herbs and voila! a treat to rival any box of chocolates... yeah... seems doubtful.

Symbols aside and obligation aside the main theme of valentines is to share a day with someone close to you, and this is where the lines get split into the lovers and haters of this day. Many feel that it is the perfect day for going all out with that special someone, while others are forced into depression for not having a special someone. What I find truly bizarre is that both sides of the camp are equally commercialised! It isn't too hard to get Valentines sucks or anti-valentine cards as well as other merchandise, well I suppose it is a capitalistic society after all, still it does make one feel that any true meaning is lost in the mad race to buy gifts.
Speaking of the gift giving, I have to say particularly from a guy's perspective Valentine's day truly does suck, mainly since it fall's upon guys to give most of the gift giving, women aren't as obligated to reciprocate in any way (a few may, but let's be honest... they can get away with not giving anything). Now the Japanese have a far superior system in place, on Valentines girls give chocolates to guys they like, then a month later on March 14th or (White day) the guys reciprocate - so at least there is some sense of balance.
I guess lastly is the whole "finding your special someone" theme to valentines which if you're single kind of makes it hard to get into any sort of good mood during this time of year. I should point out that I am single and this may affect my views of this day, but while I loathe the way Valentines makes a single guy feel with all the external pressure surrounding it... truthfully I do like good ideals behind it. Showing the people you care about how you feel, that should be the real spirit of Valentines, one shouldn't be giving chocolates, or expensive gifts... just share what's in your heart. Meh, a little too mushy even for me, so I'll conclude with a link to a seemingly accurate observation in male-female relations that will give a few people a chuckle and a few more an "all too true". So whether or not you have someone to share the day with, just live today with bit more love towards those around you... who knows, it might enable you to find what you're looking for (meh, or just gorge on sweets, that works too).

Thursday, February 08, 2007


Marching under the banner of a Rat's Anus

There are days when one just has to throw reason out the window and feel free to make an idiot of themselves, not to such extremes as lighting your hair on fire while sorting newspapers at a gas station - but just a simple step outside the boundaries of safe routine. I've affectionately decided to term these days "Marching under the banner of a Rat's Anus days" or MUBRA days for short, it is actually a term inspired (IE stolen) from a Mitchel and Webb skit. The goal of such days is to proudly wear the banner of idiocy in the face of ones own inhibitions as well as the social norm (to an extent). Oh I should mention the nifty banner I made, it should translate as 'Victory from a Rat's Ass'... poetic - isn't it? Ah Latin, you make everything sound classy... err, getting back to topic, too often it seems like one can get stuck in a rut of life, living the daily grind and not taking any chances for fear of mistakes and consequences. Being mindful of the consequences of your actions is a prerequisite for living among other people (heck even non-people), though when one starts passing up opportunities and especially chances to become happier because of self regulation... well, that's what MUBRA days are for.
Honestly, it won't always work out, more to the fact you'll open yourself up to things one usually tries their hardest to avoid and depending on how much of an idiot you can be, it won't be very pretty. Still for all - that's life, the sad truth is only by feeling pain can we become stronger, protecting oneself from hurt can work... but you won't be able to grow or move very far in life's journey. Of course there is the off chance that a day of idiocy will open doors that you never thought existed... still haven't had one of those yet, but I've decided to at least try to be an idiot a little more often.
So every now and then march proudly under the banner of the Rat's Anus, you probably won't win too many battles under it, but once in a while it is a good thing since you know what they say, 'you learn more from losing than winning'.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Search for the elusive Yo-Yo

I'm not sure of the reason but I've always needed to do something with my hands, either flipping coins or bouncing a ball to even just poking the nearest random person. So naturally a yo yo seems like an ideal toy since unlike a ball it won't accidentally bounce away and hit someone in the face (yeah, that's a retail sales career ender).

Now the first yo yo I ever had was a cheap plastic dealie (similar to the picture) that was given away at a conference I volunteered at, but it essentially did what it was supposed to... go up and down on a string, or tie itself in knots. As with many odd little toys and such the yo yo got lost and eventually I tried to find another one, a search of local stores only turned up an intricate ball bearing-balanced-xxxtreme $14 yo yo... in a common lapse of judgment I decided to purchase this yo yo (it was xxxtreme!). Though it looked impressive and even came with it's own tube of yo yo lubricant (seriously) it was a severe disappointment, while using it at work the think hit the floor, cracked, then on the next yo broke apart and hit a customer in the face (meh, didn't like working as a sales clerk anyway).

That ended my yo yo fascination for a while, though recently decided to get another one (of course planning to stay well away from people while yo-ing). Unfortunately visiting local stores proved it nearly impossible to find any really simply toys, one could easily find weird, complicated and just downright stupid toys, seriously what kid wants a transforming princess dinosaur spider rider? (hmm, Christmas is only 1o months away). There were action figures of action stars, inaction figures, dolls with brushable
and unbrushable hair, lego kits of washrooms, and plastic toys that looked like something out of a bad acid trip... still no yo yo, and don't get me started on trying to find a simple plastic Frisbee!

Why is it that one can't find simple enjoyable toys... I mean one could probably search for one on eBay or something but that seems like a lot of effort to go through. I don't want to sound like a Grinch but a lot of toys today are totally useless and unnecessary, and without a doubt probably the worst thing one can spend money on. Too bad a lot people don't really have a choice, with the amount of marketing directed at kids, I guess it's not surprising how things are. I'm not against toys, but I think there's a difference in a toy designed to be fun, and ones just produced to make money. Xxxtreme yo yo aside, I think kids would be a lot happier with simple and long lasting toys if they just had the patience to appreciate them... bah, who am I kidding, they're kids - heck even adults fall to the same marketing ploys, how else can SUV's be so popular.

Well, anyway finally did get my yo yo - found one at the dollar store... it lights up... shiny.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

First post of February!!

It's been a bit of a dark few weeks but as promised a post filled with a bit more levity continues below.

Back from a trip to the United States, it was fun and honestly a good way to get perspective. I've mentioned it before but it is oddly surreal to visit a place one practically knows through media, anyway besides the spending of savings it wasn't too bad - plus finally got a great digital camera (see above picture). The Canon SD600 a darn nifty little thing, as a result actually went a bit nuts snapping pictures of anything I thought was odd... and that includes almost everything.

Speaking of odd, I must relate an interesting incident from the past couple of days; As I happened to be waiting at the bus stop (public transportation... err, rocks?) a group of 4 Native American youths (I'm so pc) came running from a nearby condo complex, rested at the bus stop for a minute then split up and walked in opposite directions down the street. To be honest my first gut, initial reaction was "what were these hooligans up to?"... yet my sense of fairness forced me to reconsider and only observe while not drawing any conclusions. I mean they could have been having a race... or playing tag, or something equally harmless or perhaps even a noble effort - one must not jump to conclusions about a person from a single meeting. And so feeling a bit better about my politically correctness, I became lost in thought again while waiting for the bus to show up (did I mention public transportation rocks?).
A few minutes later a rather haggard and confused looking white guy shows up, and proceeds to ask if I've seen 4 youths (or yuut's if you prefer) run by and which direction they went. After I relay the relevant information he takes off after them while turning to say:
"They tried to steal my car"

Well there goes any illusion I had of being nonjudgmental, so long story short... you can't judge a book by it's cover - unless it is a magazine... though magazines aren't really books anyway... Meh, I guess there really is no true rhyme or reason to the world, it doesn't make sense so have a sense of humor about and live on, or it will probably drive you mad.

Friday, January 26, 2007

America!
Safely in the states and have had many opportunities to observe the native American in their natural habitat... bah, whom am I kidding? Truthfully spent much of my time here surrounded by family members with their own sense of ... odd-wierdyness that one can expect and appreciate only in family. Needless to say that family matters are not suitable for broadcast into the ether's of the world wide web so I'll have to fall back onto a few thoughts that have crystallized themselves during my few brief trips the much talked about and widely publicized United States of America.
Firstly I must comment that it is oddly surreal to visit someplace that through countless movies, TV shows, news broadcasts and even for that matter books! Driving through historic backdrops all along the Interstate 95, and passing by all manner of iconic buildings from 'THE' White house (I have seen other white houses and they were okay I guess) to the Poe museum... err...Edgar Allen Poe ... the Raven... anyone? Anyway either from a real sense or implanted media suggestion, the US feels more historic than any place I've visited up north in Canada. Not only that but over all the impression is of a more... veteran people... if that makes sense.
The people in America (at least the north east side I've visited) seem to have a feel of a people that have lived through troubled times and are the more experienced and a bit hardened because of it. Again it's just a general impression as compared to Canadians en masse, my home country does have a more peaceful and dare I say ... bland history in comparison to our southern neighbors, but can that account for the slight difference in atmosphere one experiences in a country? Having neither the scholarly background nor the inclination to really study this further (as with so many other thoughts) I'll just leave the observation out there and make of it what you will.
Besides the proliferation of flags (seriously I believe there must be a flag makers lobby doing some thorough work in the states), one can't help but notice the nature of media and advertisements in comparison the Canada's. While one can hear about it in such movies as Bowling for Columbine it doesn't really have the same impact as watching an hour of network television and being bombarded with a decidedly more aggressive and oddly mind numbing series of advertisements. While probably Canadian ads are more subtle about it, one can't help but notice the common threads among ads which seem to be; material goods can make you happy (enlightened even - as one ad proclaimed), debt is okay if you can buy what you want, unless you buy _____ you will stay a loser. Amid the early days of the Iraq war I once attended a meeting of supposed communists (meh, had nothing else to do) anyway the speaker there described the American need for consumerism and it's growing and unreasonable demand for resources as a symptom of an unviable economic model and the reason for the imperialistic invasion of Iraq. To put it a bit more simply, those greedy Americans are so fat and hungry that they need to hog as many resources as they can to satisfy an ever increasing appetite. At the time I neither agreed or disagreed with the idea, though experiencing the daily onslaught of propaganda, I can't help but consider it valid.
People have to buy things, lots of things, to keep this economy going... if one considers North America as a self reliant entity then this isn't necessarily a bad condition. However given that most of the world hasn't the luxury of even a fraction of the material goods forced upon consumers and in some cases can't even receive the basic necessities of housing, water and food... something is definitely very, very wrong here.
I think it is dawning on many people in the country, however I'm not sure that there is any quick recourse to take. One can be aware of the absurdity of the system, doing something about it is another matter altogether... actually it's for that same reason that I find the 'reality' documentaries done about the 'system' such as, the corporation and Darwin's Nightmare so depressing, both films (and many others like them) expose and decry the injustice of the system and how it is contributing to the suffering of the common man... yet gives no real way out of the situation. It is like walking up to someone and explaining how horrid and hopeless their situation is - then walking away while smiling and patting oneself on the back for a job well done.
In any event I highly doubt any form of radicalism is the answer (as much fun as protesting might be). A real fundamental change of our system of beliefs and economics are required, either from a grassroots or top down approach - though personally I find the former much more likely, yet without strong leadership doomed to failure.
This post has gotten a bit too wordy and preachy, next one will definitely be on a more frivolous topic - less depressing and easier to sleep after writing. To all a good night, and I wish that all may find the answers to the questions that plague one mind - or at least a suitable compromise.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Tis been a stressful day to say the least, but it's almost over, actually what truly amazes me is that I've probably finished more posts in the past few days than in the previous months! Well it is a new year and things are finally getting interesting-er (I am aware of the abhorrent grammar).
Taking well deserved... err actually just taking a break from the current scenario to visit some relatives and have some fun. Though it does involve crossing the border and as a darker skinned individual, one can't be too careful. Especially as my passport was a tad late in arriving so have to travel just before the restriction with and return somehow... worst case scenario will be exiled from Canada and will have to work as an illegal in the states. Meh, I guess there are worse fates, as an illegal I wouldn't have to pay taxes and there is apparently a huge community of illegal workers that I can just join... I wonder if they're union? Anyway whatever happens one way or the other will make for an interesting tale... just hope they have internet access in Guantanamo (very bad joke... sigh, very bad).

Every day events take place around the world, some worthy of international attention and 24 hour news coverage, others maybe a glance from a passing stranger. Most of the time we can ignore the terrible things happening around us, one can hear about people dying in some country half a world away and briefly think sadly about it, yet that is all it is. It also seems that from safe distance one can even justify death for the sake of ‘a greater good’… I’d better stop this part here, as the temptation to be sidetracked into a different topic is too strong. I’ll continue with thoughts about our proximity to tragedy and it’s effects, as the old saying goes it’s hard when something hits close to home.

Although I can’t help but ask why? Should it matter how close we are to something to care? Or even why should we be affected because of how close we are to it?

Let’s take an example of death. I’m often reminded of a song by (in my opinion) an extremely underrated and misunderstood musician:

“The death of one is tragedy, the death of millions is just a statistic”

Honestly it is the truth, we can easily shrug off a headline from a newspaper declaring rising death tolls it some country we haven’t even heard of, though one can be absolutely devastated by the death of someone close. The simplest explanation is that we care most about who we know, family and friends, yet to varying degrees as interpersonal relationships are - What does hell does that mean?!

Can one feel loss as strongly for a faceless stranger half a world away, compared to a close loved one? Conversely could one be as nonchalant is the situation were reversed? Either scenario would probably make for a pretty unhealthy individual, either paralysed by emotional suffering or cold heartedly indifferent.

All above situations seem distasteful for some reason… I guess I’d like to think that it isn’t because of shallowness that people use degrees of separation to feel anything about the death of someone. Perhaps it is just a way of surviving in a world where death is a part of life, or it could be that when we are faced with the passing of someone close we are reminded of own lack of power to prevent it. There doesn’t seem to be anything we can do when someone dies in front of us… actually that’s not exactly true I suppose.

There is always prayer, I don’t think it matters what form it takes and it really is much, but spending a moment of ones life to acknowledge the passing of another is something precious. It does seem like a small thing but the more I think about it, there really is nothing more valuable to give than a moment of life, to offer peaceful rest, enlightenment, safe journey to the next incarnation or any other wish for a life ended.

I guess I could try to expand more, but really… life’s too short, and one can either understand or question the meaning in the previous paragraph – either is fine with me.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Bootwhistle
(originally created October 9th 2005... and just finished)
Concepts, ideas, philosophy, drunk-talk... sweet beautiful drunk talk [pop culture reference #48293, see Simpsons] all are expressions of thought, and much of it is unoriginal. People have been thinking for well over... hmm, correction, some people have been thinking for most of human history, about life, existence, science and shiny objects.
Thought in and of itself is unfortunately as useful as a roast turkey at a vegetarian thanksgiving (shudder). At this point I could give a few quotes that seem to illustrate this point but I think the turkey thing does a damn good job of it... anyway hmm, perhaps paralleling to Hamlet would better illustrate whatever point I think I'm making (lest one think too highly of me, Hamlet is probably the only Shakespeare play I've read - it can be paralleled to almost anything including toast!).
Anyway in Hamlet there were various characters and each composed of varying degrees of reason vs passion, logic vs impulse, yin vs yang, crips vs bloods etc. etc. Our hero Hamlet (or Hammy as called by his friends - who die most horribly) had an overabundance of reason which hindered any action he should have taken to seek vengeance for the murder of his father. The villain ... I actually forget his name, Hamlet's uncle now king -guy (unking-guy) is ruled by passion as apparently evidenced by his murderous tendencies. As the play progresses various characters die most horribly including our hero and the unking-guy, till only the more balanced people are left. This includes the noble Horatio who as it turns out has a balance between the desires of passion and the processes of reason.
So let's see... I guess the moral of the story is be balance between your desires and constraint, if one thinks too much about everything nothing will be accomplished and if you act without thinking then the consequences could be most ... unpleasant.
Of course finding the balance might be a bit tricky as one must cross either side of the line to know where things stand... and usually quite a few times. Whether or not that actually makes any sense for others to decide. Right now I think I'll go to sleep - not sure if that's the passion or the reason talking, but who gives a [expletive deleted] anyway?

Sunday, January 14, 2007

A few note about the previous post, first of all it was amazingly difficult to find the right picture and even then I'm not totally satisfied with the one I chose. Seriously, using Google image finder to find examples of faith turned up weird and confusing results from crosses (of course) to dogs and for some odd reason a rotting turnip... meh, go figure. Speaking of interesting Google search results, I've heard that when one used to type 'I love Jews' in the search engine, Google would helpfully suggest 'Did you mean: I love Jesus'. Of course once informed the correction was removed and people could once again safely proclaim their Judaic love... okay that was bad, but damn well funny.
As for the subject of the post itself, the matter should really have treatment in an essay with actual editing and research but of course given the uhm... budget, yes budget, I have to work with, it will suffice to have an inaccurate and grammar mistake ridden post in an out of the way blog. As a bit of clarification, by the end of the post it may seem that I draw a line between religious faith and faith in humanity - that is by no means the case! Actually some of the people most devoted to humanity were highly spiritual, off the top of my head Gandhi and Mother Theresa are prime examples. Of course on the flip side (is flip side a real phrase?) a religious person isn't necessarily devoted to their fellow man... but to be fair there does seem to be a higher percentage among the religious... oh well, thoughts for another blog post. Sometimes the hardest part of blogging is actually stopping short of creating a incomprehensible mess, though it is fun to write at least. Anyway as much sense as this paragraph makes let's move on to a few random musings.... or not, I'm tired and will save that for another day. So in conclusion, always remember to pack a towel.